Sunday, June 29, 2008

Coming Soon, By Order Of The California Supreme Court

"Good morning. We want to apply for a marriage license."
"Tim and Jim Jones."
"Jones? Are you related? I see a resemblance."
"Yes, we're brothers."
"Brothers? You can't get married."
"Why not? Aren't you giving marriage licenses to same gender couples?"
"Yes, thousands. But we haven't had any siblings. That's incest!"
"Incest? No, we are not gay."
"Not gay? Then why do you want to get married?"
"For the financial benefits, of course. And we do love each other. Besides, we don't have any other prospects."
"But we're issuing marriage licenses to gay and lesbian couples who've been denied equal protection under the law. If you are not gay, you can get married to a woman."
"Wait a minute. A gay man has the same right to marry a woman as I have. But just because I'm straight doesn't mean I want to marry a woman. I want to marry Jim."
"And I want to marry Tim, Are you going to discriminate against us just because we are not gay?"
"All right, all right. I'll give you your license. Next."
"Hi. We are here to get married."
"John Smith, Jane James, Robert Green, and June Johnson."
"Who wants to marry whom?"
"We all want to marry each other."
"But there are four of you!"
"That's right. You see, we're all bisexual. I love Jane and Robert, Jane loves me and June, June loves Robert and Jane, and Robert loves June and me. All of us getting married together is the only way that we can express our sexual preferences in a marital relationship."
"But we've only been granting licenses to gay and lesbian couples."
"So you're discriminating against bisexuals!"
"No, it's just that, well, the traditional idea of marriage is that it's just for couples."
"Since when are you standing on tradition?"
"Well, I mean, you have to draw the line somewhere."
"Who says? There's no logical reason to limit marriage to couples.The more the better. Besides, we demand our rights! The mayor says the constitution guarantees equal protection under the law. Give us a marriage license!"
"All right, all right. Next."
"Hello, I'd like a marriage license."
"In what names?"
"David Deets.""And the other man?"
"That's all. I want to marry myself."
"Marry yourself? What do you mean?"
"Well, my psychiatrist says I have a dual personality, so I want to marry the two together. Maybe I can file a joint income-tax return."
"That does it! I quit!! You people are making a mockery of marriage!!"

Thursday, June 26, 2008

Sadness Is The Only Legitimate Feeling

What is really troubling, concerning the very clear language of the 2nd Ammendment, is that the court ruling was a 5-4 thing.

Gun owners and freedom lovers, like myself, are dancing around, crowing about their victory today as if they've saved the republic.

That's Bullshit.

I see this for what it is: 5-4 is proof positive that the republic is on it's deathbed.

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Them Hayseeds Know How To Party

Mid-West Flood Survival Kit
Toilet Paper........................................ check
Bud Light........................................... check
Keystone Ice........................................ check
Budweiser........................................ check
Red Dog............................................. check
Misc. (other bottles of alcohol)...................... check
Piece of plywood (to float your old lady and booze)....check

Monday, June 16, 2008

They'll Be Sorry

California set to punish the gay lifestyle.

For Mall Diva

The Diva has suggested I post a few of my baking recipes.

As I've confessed before, I bake for fun. I play around with recipes, try new twists, and generally just enjoy myself while making a mess of the kitchen.
This simple cookie recipe has been passed down for a few generations. Not sure where it came from, but it's a family favorite and a most often 'special request'.

Cinnamon Jumbles
2 cups sifted flour
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup soft shortening (Can be part butter. I generally use all butter. Baking with margarine is a sin against God,creation,and all things righteous.)
1 cup sugar (try baker's sugar. a finer granule, it blends easier and creams quicker)
1 egg
3/4 cup buttermilk
1 teaspoon vanilla
1/4 cup sugar
1 teaspoon cinnamon

Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Sift together the flour, baking soda and salt and set aside.

In a large bowl, mix together shortening with the 1 cup of sugar and egg. Stir in the buttermilk and vanilla. Stir in the flour mixture. Chill the dough thoroughly.

Drop by rounded teaspoonfuls about 2 inches apart on a lightly greased baking sheet.

Combine the 1/4 cup sugar with the cinnamon. Sprinkle cookies with the cinnamon-sugar mixture.

Bake until set but not brown, about 8-10 minutes.

Sunday, June 08, 2008

Product Test: Bagel-fuls

Something new I saw at the grocery last week. I bought a couple boxes and decided to try them out.
I used the microwave heating method first. Pretty good for a frozen bagel. Not as good as a fresh bagel,of course. But I'd put the bread texture right there alongside any frozen or off-the-shelf bagel. The cream cheese was a little lacking. Not as creamy as Philadelphia brand, but good enough for frozen 'quick eats'.

Next, I tried one out of my toaster. (Make sure you have a wide-slotted model.) This made the bread crispy, but left the cream cheese cold. It's at this point I realized just how lacking the cream cheese was: kinda crumbly. Nothing 'cream' about it, but it still tasted good enough.

Final judgement:Overall, not bad.
Not quite the same as a real toasted bagel with cream cheese. But if you're in a hurry, or just too damn lazy to feed yourself proper, these'll work.

A box of four costs about $2.50. Kinda steep for what you get when compared to the price of a bakery bagel.

Thursday, June 05, 2008

Mary was my older sister. A full three years older. And probably the reason why she was always zealously protective. I have more than one memory of Mary beating up neighborhood bullies, usually older-than-myself kids, and generally other boys more her own age, who thought I would be easy pickings. They thought wrong.
Mary wasn't their match in size, and was generally smaller than most girls her age, but she made up for it in viciousness.
Like a mother bear, she'd launch an attack. All claws:ripping, pulling, kicking, scratching... she spilled more blood in her youth than the average young male, and rendered the boys into crying blobs of sissyness: torn clothes, busted lips, bloody noses. Mary was generally a good natured, party attitude type of girl, except for when it came to defending her little brothers.

This protectiveness continued on into high school, but to lesser extent. The last scuffle I had where she was involved started with a shoving match prelude in the hall. Beginning of my freshman year, she was already a senior. She walked up and asked "you got it,bro?"
Yeah, I got it, getouttahere.
Then the other kid took the first swing and the fight was on. I swung back, got lucky, and soon the kid ended up on his ass in the middle of the hallway.
Not satisfied, Mary walked up and started kicking him, pulled him up, called him a few names and shoved him back at me to knock him down again.
Her friends were screaming.
My friends were cheering.
He was bleeding from the nose and mouth.
Mary and I got three days suspension.
Sitting together in the dean's office, she kept saying she was proud of me. I told her next time to stay out of it.
Thanks, Mary. (Well, it was fun.)

I got lucky again when she got a job with a local liquor store chain. All the whiskey,beer and booze I wanted. Not a bad deal for a 15yr old.
Thanks again, Mary.

New Year's, 1982, Mary and I found ourselves at the same big,crazy party. It was pouring down rain that night. A real heavy, street flooding downpour. I was about twenty-four beers too many, laying face up in the grass, soaked to the bone,unable to move, and too unwilling to be dragged to drier ground. I woke up some hours later with a patio table draped in platic sheeting over me (to keep me from drowning,she said). We were still laughing about that one.
Thanks again, Mary.

For dating tips, and how to read a girl's 'signs'.
Thanks, Mary.

Some years ago, Mary bought a Tommy Gun. Now, it's mine.
Thanks, Mary.

When I got married and Mary accepted to be a bridesmaid, the dress was one of those frilly,pink,off-the-shoulders numbers. She hated pink. She hated dresses. Flat out refused to wear them. But there she was. In this pink,frilly girlie-girl dress... and an expression of internal terror. Afraid with every move she made that this fabric may actually come into contact with her skin. She was hilariously miserable. I loved every minute of it.
Thanks for the laughs,Mary. And for loving me enough to even 'go there'.

Mary was born June 5th, 1961.
47 yrs ago today.

Forty-seven years ago on this date, God gave me a unique and precious gift. To mourn it's loss is a diservice to Him if I don't take the time appreciate that which was given.
As we only know sadness because we once knew joy,
I only feel loss because I had something to lose.
Today, I made a concious decision to celebrate her life. To think about the good times. The happy times. The fun times. And the love. Too many tears I've already shed have dimmed the memory of why I cry.

Today is different.
Today is Mary's day.

Happy Birthday,Mary.
And thanks for everything.

I love you,

Wednesday, June 04, 2008

Temperance Poster, circa 1919

Perfect mates for King David and Ben.

As for me, not enough liquor in the world can solve the obvious problem. Hell, I need a drink right now just to cleanse my vision memory.

Sunday, June 01, 2008

Yesterday, I drove Mom to the site of Mary's crash. I'd already been there, but Mom was moaning about not seeing it herself. She wasn't ready. Way too distraught and emotionally unmanagable, so I just flat out refused to take her.
She's recovered a little bit, somewhat, so I agreed to take her this weekend.

It wasn't bad. Mom was composed, and found some comfort in the location. A long, busy stretch of I-15, north of Escondido. Heavy traffic area, but at the same time, miles from anything. Located near the top of a large rise, presenting clear views of the valley on one side, and mountains on the other. A striking view point.

One of Mary's friends had marked the location with one of those cheesy roadside memorials. The difference being that this one wasn't so cheap looking. A white cross fashioned with inter-locking 4x4, her name etched prominently into the wood, with holes drill into the cross beams as bouquet holders. And planted deeply into the soil. Sturdy and well secured, this one won't be blowing away.

Well, as I approached the site with Mom, she could see the marker from nearly 2/10ths of a mile away. It was that visable from the curve in the highway leading up the location. There were fresh flowers already filling both holders, and a couple more offerings, from maybe a few days previous, laying on the ground at it's base. Clearly, her friends have been making regular visits and tending the site.
The one time I had visited, a fews days after her death, there was just a simple bundle of wilted roses in place. I took a few a pictures and left, never looking back.

Expecting Mom to go into one of her freak-out modes, which she can do over anything (I had mentioned that she was basically a wack job on a normal day), she surprised me.
She was (mostly)calm and at peace.
And stayed that way.

On the way home, she kept mentioning how scenic and serene the location was, and what a beatiful place to die. And how somebody keeps returning, and leaving flowers, and the effort it took to manufacture and place that marker so prominently, and how solid it was.
This meant something to her. That Mary may be gone, but she still lives in the memories and hearts of those she left behind. And not just family, but freinds as well. She had a lot of freinds, and I don't think they will be forgetting her any time soon. Mom found a small measure of healing in knowing that.

Meanwhile, I sill need to wait a couple more weeks to file claims for her 401k and Prudential policy.
Some online research gave me the answer as to why these money folks are making me wait 40 days: it's California law. Mary died intestate, as I mentioned earlier, and as a result, the law in this state says in such cases 40 days must lapse before any claims can be made or policies paid. Still not sure why, but at least I know the money folks are not just jacking me around.

Seems all the joy has been sucked out of life lately.
I'm hoping I get back to my normal self soon. So much to comment on, so many things to talk about out there in this crazy ass world.
But I just can't seem to feel like it.