Friday, September 14, 2007

Product Testing: Diet Pepsi Max

My soft drink of choice has been Diet Pepsi for as long as I can remember.
So, naturally, my curiosity was whetted when I saw the new Diet Pepsi Max, promoting itself as 'Invigorating Cola' right on the label.

Obviously, Pepsi is trying to tap further into the energy drink market. Like we really need another kind of energy drink.

A look at the label says this stuff has twice the caffeine (69mg) as Diet Pepsi, and it's laced with ginseng extract. Well,...OK.

Pouring myself a glass over ice. I notice it tastes less like Diet Pepsi and more like Diet Coke, but even worse than that. It has that saccharine-ish after taste that those of us old enough to remember can appreciate, or, in my case, not.
Yuck.

With a wince, I drink it up, and patiently await the promised invigoration.

(Hmmm, with ginseng. The magical root that cures ills and enhances libido.)
Well, I'm not feeling any more enhanced. Not yet, anyway.
Maybe it takes a while....

-----

Nope. Still nothing.
Maybe I need another can.

Two cans down.
Still,not even an libidinous tingle.
But now I need to pee.

Running to the privy, I'm thinking "this must be where the invigoration comes in", 'cause I can't get there fast enough.
Outta my way!

-----

Whew! I'm back.
Glad I didn't get the erection yet, or I'd still be up there.

Still waiting, I do a wiki on ginseng.
Oooh, not good.
One of panax ginseng's most common side-effects is the inability to sleep. Other side-effects include nausea, diarrhea(!), euphoria, headaches,epistaxis(!) , high blood pressure, low blood pressure, mastalgia, and vaginal bleeding(who? not me. hehe).

Seriously, all I hoped for was some useful measure of invigoration, and now I find myself under threat of uncontrolable leakage from both ends...

No thanks.
This shit not only tastes funny,but I think it's bad for me as well.

Pass on it, folks.

33 comments:

Mick said...

Thanks gino, I'll stick to my diet rock stars.

Andy said...

I prefer the original Diet Coke. (Just for the taste of it!) I tried the version with Splenda once, and within three minutes I had stomach cramps. Several years ago I had the opportunity to sample the yet-to-be-released Diet Coke with Lemon in exchange for some consumer feedback: I said it tasted like Lemon Pledge. They frowned. Whatever.

Gino said...

i tried that lemon coke,too. it was bad. and the one with lime (it was either pepsi or coke that did that) was lousy too.

Jade said...

Caffeine will also cause increased urination, so add that to the diarrhea and you're really putting yourself in danger of dehydration.

If you really need some sort of libido enhancement I suggest looking up free porn on the internet... it's cheap and it doesn't cause stomach cramps (unless it's the really bad kind)

Gino said...

there is porn on the internet?

Anonymous said...

Add me for the trips to the bathroom!!!!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

I disagree. I'm good at tasting stuff, and Diet Pepsi Max is my favorite Pepsi, because I prefer Coke and it tastes like that. Regular Coke. I'm also now sexually attracted to my wife's best friend, so...

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I got diarrhea and stomach cramps... sticking to plain diet pepsi!!!!

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